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U21 - Paraguay

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From: magiker
This Post:
77
202462.1
Date: 11/14/2011 3:00:49 AM
Overall Posts Rated:
199199
What a long week. As fast as I could, I got the top 50-60 U21 prospects together for a U21 camp at Madison Square Garden. The Knicks won’t be using it for a while, so I figured what the hell. With such a deep class of prospects, I was having trouble narrowing down the best at each position. I thought about getting 50 2x4’s and handing one to each member of the squad, and saying, “There are 50 of you, and I only need 9. Go.” I quickly realized I wouldn’t have any guards, so I put everyone’s name in a hat and drew: Vickers, Yi, McHugh, Withers, Mayer, Sanders, Brown, Parsons, and Foote.

Once the team was set, I jumped on the computer to buy plane tickets to Mexico for our team with the debit card to the U21 account that Rambo left me. It didn’t go through. After a recent $7,000 withdrawal, the current balance was $1.63. Rambo’s snicker when he handed me the card finally made sense. I gave Jason a call to see if I could get some money from the NT, but I was informed jfarb had actually put it all on the NT to beat Chile in the America’s final.

Practice started on Wednesday. Azariah, seeing I was busy, offered to help out. “Here, you take the guards, I’ll take the bigs,” he said. I wasn’t all that comfortable with it, but it was better than listening to him complain every time our rent-a-refs called a foul on Parsons. I walked over to the guards, and noticed Withers was missing. Smallfrie, a little confused, pointed to the locker room. I walked in to see Withers applying sunscreen to his entire body. “Dwain,” I said, “What are you doing?”

“Puttin on some sun block man, SPF 250. You want some?”

“Uh. Dwain… it’s November…in New York…and we’re inside.”

“You can never be too careful.”

And with that I left the locker room to go work with the guards. As I got back onto the court, I saw Azariah running “drills” with Parsons, Sanders, Brown, and Foote. These “drills” consisted of Azariah throwing lobs to Parsons, while Sanders, Brown, and Foote took turns getting dunked on.

Friday morning, we were finally leaving for Mexico. After everyone climbed on the bus, I got off to sign the form the bus driver handed me. $1200 for a bus ride? Ridiculous. As I was signing, I saw two figures sprinting towards the bus, and dive into the luggage compartment. I walked over.

“Oriole and Anderson Adams! Get off the bus!”

We arrived Saturday night, and I can’t remember a thing. We must have been drugged or something, I’m still looking into that. Someone completely shaved Yi’s head. I don’t know if they glued Yi’s hair onto Parsons’ face, or he just always looks like that. Either way, we have a lot of work to do.

Come join us on Monday at 9pm eastern for the opening match of the U21 season!

From: Azariah

This Post:
22
202462.2 in reply to 202462.1
Date: 11/14/2011 12:22:04 PM
Overall Posts Rated:
103103
For the record, I told Sanders Brown and Foote that they were supposed to take turns taking dunks. Not my fault if they didn't have the ability to suss out what I really meant...

From: Isaiah

This Post:
00
202462.3 in reply to 202462.1
Date: 11/14/2011 5:47:40 PM
Smallfries
II.1
Overall Posts Rated:
419419
Second Team:
Smallfries II
Hahah great write up man.

This Post:
00
202462.4 in reply to 202462.1
Date: 11/14/2011 10:44:47 PM
LionPride
II.2
Overall Posts Rated:
246246
Love.

From: Rambo

This Post:
00
202462.5 in reply to 202462.1
Date: 11/14/2011 10:47:17 PM
Overall Posts Rated:
219219
Congrats on your first win. Here's to many more!

From: fewmit
This Post:
77
202462.6 in reply to 202462.5
Date: 11/15/2011 4:48:33 PM
Overall Posts Rated:
598598
When U21 coach magiker invited me last week to a genuine chupacabra hunt in Mexico I jumped at the opportunity! He totally had me with the opening line in the email “I’m only inviting the most select USA managers”. I grabbed my passport, blowgun, condoms, and bottled water and took the first flight out. Turned out to be a load of BS, as I was the only guy who didn’t see through this ruse to get someone to provide press coverage for the U21 America’s Tournament this season. But, since I’m here (and since magiker hid my passport), I’ll be doing what I can to report on the USA squad romping through a bunch of pussy nations you’ve barely heard of for the next few months.

First up last night was Paraguay, a country whose total population that can successfully shoot a free throw could easy fit into an Airbus. I ran into Paraguayan forward Arsenio Bauman in that hall before the game and was able to do a quick interview:

fewmit: So, tallest guy in your mud hut village?
Bauman: ¿Quién dejó esta asshat aquí?
fewmit: Yes, I would like meet your family someday. But first a quick quiz, can you locate the United States on this map?

He then pointed to Afghanistan and flipped me off. Sure hope he’s better at basketball than he is at geography! With there being a generally consensus on the opening day roster, the real suspense of the game was seeing who magiker would start at SF. Turns out, he didn’t really remember that such a position existed and played 3 guards in the game. Cost me 50 bucks in the press betting pool. Whatever. In the locker-room after the game I asked him why the hell he’s keeping me prisoner in a foreign land and costing me my beer money:

fewmit: Why the hell are you keeping me prisoner in a foreign land and costing me my beer money?
magiker: Well, I.....what the f.....aren’t you supposed to be doing real reporting? On the game?
fewmit: No ducking the questions, sir. This is for posterity.
magiker: Go interview a player before I clock you.

At that point I faked a hamstring cramp, yelled "media abuse!!!" for good measure and hopped way as fast as I could. As the coach kept glaring at me, I decided to have chat with SG Jonathon Yi. I found him sitting by himself staring at the plans for a 20 foot statue of Jimmy Brown that is scheduled to be erected in front of the U21 headquarters.

fewmit: Beautiful. Bronze brings out the humanity in his eyes.
Yi: You think I could measure up to him someday?
fewmit: Doubtful. He's 20 feet tall.
Yi: I mean the man, dipsheep. He's the standard by which all U21 guards will ever be compared to.
fewmit: Charles sure broke the mold when he made that one. What does the plaque say?
Yi "Downtown Jimmy Brown. 25% FG. World Champion, season 17."
fewmit: I bet with a huge effort you could go 26%. Try platform shoes...they'll make you taller.

Yi edged away from me at that point, no doubt in awe of my intellect.

So, not to keep y’all in suspense, USA won 106-75. Yi shot above 26%, there wasn’t a small forward to be seen, and apparently there were some Paraguayans involved. The most notable thing about the week was that the team was actually here, with NT coach GM-Jason not calling up the entire team wholesale. Tune in next Monday as team USA plays the Bahamas, the lowest ranked U21 squad in the world. Will we beat them by 100? 50 bucks says yes!

Last edited by fewmit at 11/15/2011 4:50:30 PM

Group hug!
From: Tangosz

This Post:
00
202462.7 in reply to 202462.6
Date: 11/15/2011 5:05:48 PM
Overall Posts Rated:
573573
Bravo sir. Bravo.

From: Isaiah

This Post:
00
202462.8 in reply to 202462.6
Date: 11/15/2011 5:38:08 PM
Smallfries
II.1
Overall Posts Rated:
419419
Second Team:
Smallfries II
LMFAO...very nice.

Message deleted