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Since I got here in Finland, every thing has been more craptastic than the last. First, I missed the team bus and had to travel by whale. Second, Shamu the Whale swallowed me and kept me in his stomach for 3 days. Third, when he spit me out and I drifted onto shore, one of the Finns yelled, "Finns, ya have one?" Anyway, when I got back to the hotel, all the players were drinking vodka to keep warm. Me being a minor, the only thing I could drink was everyone's puke.

The next day at practice, I had to work with the worst player on the team, according to the cabal rulebook. If that wasn't bad enough, we also had to eat lemonsicles every time he missed a shot. Something about those lemonsickles didn't taste right. During practice, magiker gave the team his usual rant, with cattle prod in hand.

magiker: ZERO OFFENSIVE REBOUNDS? Michele Bello did better that, even after I busted a cap in his sorry ass. I want you bigs on all of those balls. Huston, if you're going to foul someone, you might as well injure them. Give 'em a chop block or beat them with a Polish sausage.
Me: Sir, you know this isn't football.
magiker: Yo momma. If you can't shut down CR, then I'll have to get the cabal to bust caps in all your asses! Understand?!?
Team: Yes, O great one!

As practice resumed, magiker proceeded to get the team in a drill where everyone had to shuffle their feet to avoid the cattle prod.
magiker: If anyone asks how you got your burns, tell them you were in the sauna.
Me: But -20 degrees Celsius is freezing.
magiker: Shut up before I make you ride back to America on Seabert the Seal.

Make sure to join us on Monday, at 12:30 ET as the U21 plays against the Czech Republic http://www.buzzerbeater.com/country/1/jnt/schedule.aspx

Last edited by Big Dogs at 10/1/2012 5:31:21 PM

Recap

Well I landed in C.R. just in time. When I got to the hotel there was the usual banter before a Game. People partying, fighting, throwing stuff around, and then magiker smoking a cigar in the prking lot. "Get your a** in there!" I was like, "Who you talking to?" "YOU Goddammit! You are the annoying little guy that hangs around and spams the whole thing! Get in there or you'll be banned from the Offsite!" I was like, "oooooooooooooooooooooooook" and I walked into the hotel. "Psycho" is the only word I can say about our U21 Coach. But he is good. Well there was Huston in his private hotel room listening to some Hong Kong talk, guess he wass trying to learn chinese......ohh well couldn't speak to him though sinceYe hasn't teached me any Chinese word except ni hou...........Ok back to the NT. Then I heard a BOOM! A chair flew through the wall. It was magiker. Hey everybody, get into that court and give us a win! No one messes with US of A, if you mess this up, you're going to get fed by my pitbulls!" Then here was the team slogan in a banner, "Do it right" With a picture of magiker and his 67 pitbulls army behind him. (no wonder he uses magiker67............. I thought.


Well when everyone got into the arena and started practicing McArthur was just ready to do battle. "Yugoslavia died because of Czech, so now they will pay for my Great Grandfather dying" And pay he did. In a pregame interview he said his father was really close to his Great Grandfather (Grandpa for his dad) And that when he died his own father committed suicide. So now he said he'd do anything to get revenge on the Czech.

THE GAME

Well in the first the USA was up early. They were dismantling in the 1st winning it 25-14. Asst. Jon L. was like: "Good job folks ,keep it up McArthur. All we need to do is just win every Q and we win it all. 1,2,3 USA!" 2nd Quarter they still controlled the lead, but the Czech wouldn't back down, and they cut the lead down to 7, 43-36 USA. In the third though, SF Huston was fouling, while magiker was yelling "INJURE God damn! Why the heck you foul too much, stop it! Man what ever happened to the old era Bigs?" Well after that Huston still kept fouling. With the USA only leading by 2, at 60-58. I guess this was my time to do another of my famous speeches: "Ok guys. Gametime. The Quarter that counts. The Last 12:00 minutes that decide it all. We got a 2 pt lead here. Nothing to panic about yet here. but these Czechs been fighting all day. They were fighting their hearts out. But we should show we fight harder. We're the USA the COuntry that never loses a fight. Let's keep it that way. Got it? Now go out there, do your thing, and have Miami Heat fun if you extend the lead. Let's go. 1............2...............3.............USA! FIGHT!
Then some guy named Irving Adcock said, "Whats Miami Heat fun?"

Me: seriously? You don't know what Miami Heat fun is....................go look it up dumbo. Just forget about that. Play. and WIN

Well I guess the speech worked because the USA won the quarter badly and had Miami Heat fun in the last 2 minutes of the match. The USA showed their fight and they did it, winning against the Czech Rep. in a final score of 87-77. Player of the game was Jacob McArthur, who had a great day at 20 points, 10 Boards and almost flawless at 1 TO and ZERO fouls. Honorable mentions are Huston, with 10 points, and 12 boards (5 fouls cough) and Parra at 13 points, and 10 boards. Overall great Day for USA! Be there for the next game for the U21 USA Team as they will take on the Srbija U21 Team. This is tough reporting for the USA! Good Night folks! Shoutout for birthdays: Moflaffle and Rhyminsimon!