or Charles Barkley's two-ton backside.
Have you seen his backside lately? He's "losing weight like a man" on Weight Watchers, and I bet he would be offended by this terrible representation of facts about his buttocks.
I am willing to bet someone else's money that, if you were to put Barkley in the low post, back to the basket, his previously-hidden backside bumpers would suddenly burst free and he'd be able to back down an elephant with his posterior alone.