OK Here we go. Offensive Linguists Div II Noobie Bagging Episode I.
NOTE - Ok guys ive done something different here - its supposed to be comical and funny and no offence is meant to be taken by this. So all you new guys to this league, dont be distressed, im just takin da piss.
Righto, so after a Season of Tanking, Odds-Giving and Awesomeness, Season 22 is here. 2 of our Season 21 noobs managed to surive and one went on to win the whole damn thing. Sundae Bloody Sunday. Lets see what the noo noobs (new newbs? hmm) can bring to the league.
The J ballers
My god Matt, how on earth did you lose to these guys in Rnd 1? have you seen his lineup?!?! He couldnt even win his Div III Finals series in one game! pathetic. He probably thinks his $145k salary centre will just dominate again. Mono skilled monsters dont work in Div II J ballers! As for his support playerrs, i have never seen such a dismal bench on a team since Will Perdue was 'backup' C for the Bulls during their golden run (mind u, they didnt really need him did they) - needless to say the only thing that excites me about his team is Steve Reimers, not cause he is 21 (and we all know how much i like 21 year olds)... and Aussie and on the U21 team - but only because i have a thing for ranga's.
Wagadugu Hippopotamuses
Wag a what? Humpadodo's? There is about as much chance of W's appearing in this guys column as me being able to pronounce his team name. If he wasnt giving me such a good percentage boost tonight I would really get stuck into him. His best player is a cousin of Elvis, although he has more depth than J ballers, and looks to be offloading some of his lesser talent to upgrade, hope that promotion money is still there. Again, excited by the home grown aussie talent in Craig Harris, but again, only cause he is ginger.
Mayhem
Oh for heavens sake, Mayhem? What kinda name is that? What are we, 12? The only Mayhem you have been causing is in Div III for the past 10 bloody seasons. Took ya long enough to get here didnt it? Well at least ur arena will be in great shape for Div II. 20k people to come and watch ur transgender 'Simone' play basketball with the big boys no doubt. (apologies to all transgender's reading this).... Absolute ABSOLUTE blasphemy that you only have 2 aussie players, neither of which are effin ranga's!??!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?!
Northcote Slammers
Northcote - you were here two seasons ago werent you? well... bugger off again would ya. We dont take kindly to your tanking ways round here no more.
To our ABBL relegate - back so soon I see Crockers? Tank run out of fuel in ABBL did it?
Apologies to all.