Lynn Grove, Utopia — Nov 11, 2025
The Lynn Grove Slamurai organization held its official re-launch press conference today, announcing the start of what management optimistically calls a “long-term dynasty plan,” and what most local fans are calling “a group therapy session with basketballs.”
After inheriting an 0-7 record and a roster described by one scout as “a collection of guys who have seen a basketball before,” newly appointed GM Brojira promised patience, discipline, and a massive construction project.
> “Look, we’re not gonna sugarcoat it,” Brojira said while gesturing toward a lineup chart full of names that even his assistant coach hadn’t memorized yet. “We’re going to lose. A lot. But we’ll do it profitably.”
The front office confirmed a major focus on arena expansion, funneling every spare credit into bleachers, concrete, and dreams of a 15,000-seat cash-printing coliseum. “The Slamurai may not defend well,” Brojira continued, “but we will sell snacks.”
Key building blocks include:
Patrick Schachinger, an 18-year-old with the potential to someday hit an open shot.
Imobath Cieza, an 18-year-old center whose name alone intimidates stat sheets.
Rolando Salinas, whose rebounding numbers suggest he’s seen a basketball before… recently.
While fans brace for a rough season, early attendance numbers suggest the city of Lynn Grove might just be crazy enough to support this rebuild.
Team officials encouraged patience and optimism. “We’ll take our lumps now,” Brojira concluded, “and in a few seasons, this team will be slicing through Utopia like a katana through butter. Until then—please buy tickets. We just built a thousand new seats.”
Tickets on sale now. New seats just arrived. 🏯⚔️
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Last edited by Brojira at 11/10/2025 10:51:57 PM
Last edited by Brojira at 11/10/2025 10:57:06 PM