Lynn Grove, Utopia — Nov 11, 2025
The Lynn Grove Slamurai organization held its official re-launch press conference today, announcing the start of what management optimistically calls a “long-term dynasty plan,” and what most local fans are calling “a group therapy session with basketballs.”
After inheriting an 0-7 record and a roster described by one scout as “a collection of guys who have seen a basketball before,” newly appointed GM Brojira promised patience, discipline, and a massive construction project.
> “Look, we’re not gonna sugarcoat it,” Brojira said while gesturing toward a lineup chart full of names that even his assistant coach hadn’t memorized yet. “We’re going to lose. A lot. But we’ll do it profitably.”
The front office confirmed a major focus on arena expansion, funneling every spare credit into bleachers, concrete, and dreams of a 15,000-seat cash-printing coliseum. “The Slamurai may not defend well,” Brojira continued, “but we will sell snacks.”
Key building ...